The year 2025 will remain in my memory as one of the most difficult periods of my life — a time when painful events followed one another like waves crashing against the shore. It was precisely then that my six-year formation in the “Faustinum” Association and the words from the Diary of St. Faustina Kowalska became for me something more than spiritual reading — they became my light, breath, and support.
A particular sign of St. Faustina’s closeness to me was the moment when, in March of last year, her relics were welcomed into my home — I received this as a quiet announcement of spiritual presence for the difficult time that was to come.
First came the experience of injustice and hurt at work — a place into which I had invested great commitment, creating tools, improving processes, and training new employees. Yet together with my entire team I was treated as a cost to be reduced, and after 12 years I was forced to change a stable job during a time of numerous mass layoffs in the country, when finding a new one — being middle-aged — seemed almost impossible. It happened in very painful and unfair circumstances that are difficult to describe here. At that time, these words returned to me especially strongly:
“Do not fear anything (…) Fight with the deep conviction that I am with you.” (Diary: 573; 1760)
Today I see signs of His gentle guidance and the fruits of intercession. I found an offer for a new job on the anniversary of St. Faustina’s canonization — I read this as a sign of care from heaven, and in my heart I experienced the truth of the words:
“Every single grace comes to the soul through prayer (…) The more a soul trusts, the more it will receive.” (Diary: 146; 1578)
Soon afterward came an even deeper suffering — the passing of my Mother, a person with a severe disability, for whom I had cared for five years and who had suffered for twenty-five years from multiple sclerosis and other serious illnesses. Because of her disease, already as a teenager I did not have a Mother in the ordinary sense — in a way it was I who was a mother to her, especially when we lived alone after my Father suddenly died a few years ago; I tried to resuscitate him, but sadly I could not save him. Accompanying my Mother in weakness and pain became for me a school of love of the Cross. Looking at her suffering, I saw the suffering Christ. Two weeks before her passing I heard the diagnosis: pulmonary embolism and kidney cancer. In the most difficult moments, these words filled me with trust:
“I have often marvelled that the angels and saints hold their peace at the sight of a soul suffering like that. Yet they have special love for us at such moments.” (Diary: 116)
My Mother passed away reconciled with God and, in accordance with Jesus’ promises connected with the recitation of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy (Diary: 810–811; 1541), she received the grace of a peaceful death, and in my heart there remained peace and the conviction that only time separates us. More and more often I feel her spiritual closeness and help.
These events were neither preceded nor separated by calm; I mention only the most difficult ones, yet they followed one another, bringing me into a state of constant tension and deep psychological and spiritual exhaustion. When my heart was still shaken by this experience, another wound came — the departure of a close friend to whom I had given prayer and support for years, precisely when I most needed presence. It was a difficult lesson in letting go of someone you love. Then I especially understood the words:
“Even if all abandoned me, I would not be alone, for the Lord is with me.” (Diary: 1022)
Accepting this truth was not easy, yet from this situation the Lord brought forth good as well — where something was taken away, new relationships and true friends appeared. What is more, after my Mother’s passing — although I live alone — I do not feel lonely. Since that time daily Eucharist has become my strength:
“From it I draw my strength; in it is all my comfort.” (Diary: 1037)
Entrusting myself to Divine Mercy through Mary is my peace. From her I learn to accept everything that God’s will brings:
“I am Mother to you all, thanks to the unfathomable mercy of God. Most pleasing to Me is that soul which faithfully carries out the will of God (…) Be courageous. Do not fear apparent obstacles, but fix your gaze upon the Passion of My Son.” (Diary: 449)
This past year has shown me that the words “Suffering is a great grace” (Diary: 57) are not a theory but a mystery of meeting God, who does not always explain, yet is always present. During this time a particular help for me was formation and the prayer of my friends and community — I truly felt that someone was carrying me spiritually.
If anyone reading these words is going through — or will only go through — similar experiences, let them know that the Lord truly acts, sustains the soul, and strengthens it through the words of the Diary and the grace of formation, leading it through the dark valley toward the light. I experience ever more deeply that nothing slips from Jesus’ hands and that even what is difficult He can transform into good. May the Merciful Lord be praised for this forever.
Jesus, I trust in You!
Alicja, member of ‘Faustinum’, Poland
